Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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