I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
