she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
