There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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