i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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