do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
