Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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