Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
