It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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