i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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