I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
