just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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