I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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