i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
