wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
