New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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