apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
