i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
