My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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