Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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