You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
