The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
