I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
