Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
