Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
