i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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