everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
