just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
