I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
