I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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