he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
