he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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