That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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