2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
