If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He shit in the fireplace
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
