Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
