So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
