I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
