She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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