Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
