im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize