She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
