i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
