In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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