I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
