New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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