if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
