Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
