By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
