You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
