I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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