i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
