haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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