this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
only you would photoshop your dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
