so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
