You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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