I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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