the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
