i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
