First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
