I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
