remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
