if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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