i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize