i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
