On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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