she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
