I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
im on a boat
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