I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
