I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
