I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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