At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
