I think I died a long time ago.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
