and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
